Restaurant

Restaurant Jokes

Anniversary

Me and my wife were out at dinner. Me being 48 and her being 19, people were screaming at us and calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

Anniversary

I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.

Orphanage

Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?

Episode

I remember the time that Gordon Ramsay did an African food episode... it was a short episode. Too bad he couldn’t find any.

Chef

I called the Chinese takeaway yesterday. A man picked up the phone and said: "Hello! I am Wan Kin, the chef." I said that I'll come back later.

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  • Pastor

    Pastor: I don’t normally swear, but tonight I am going to, just for the halibut!

    McDonald's

    What's the difference between twin towers and McDonald's?

    One had a drive thru and the other had a fly thru.

    Man

    I had to share a table recently with a disabled man. When I asked him for the salt and pepper, he had to make two trips.

    Waiter

    The waiter comes and asks you for the check. Instead I give him a 20 dollar bill and say, "Boy, you can keep it!"

    Bleach

    Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".

    Sushi

    I would like to complain about the new sushi restaurant at Gatwick Airport. Although there were large portions going round on the conveyor, they did taste a bit like luggage.

    Orphan

    Why can't orphans go to family restaurants?

    Because they don't have a family to go with.