Restaurant jokes
I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.
Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?
What restaurant does Africa own? M.T. Bellies.
I remember the time that Gordon Ramsay did an African food episode... it was a short episode. Too bad he couldn’t find any.
I called the Chinese takeaway yesterday. A man picked up the phone and said: "Hello! I am Wan Kin, the chef." I said that I'll come back later.
Pastor: I don’t normally swear, but tonight I am going to, just for the halibut!
What's the difference between twin towers and McDonald's?
One had a drive thru and the other had a fly thru.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef! (aka dinner)
I had to share a table recently with a disabled man. When I asked him for the salt and pepper, he had to make two trips.
What did the salad say to the chef? LETTUCE GO!!!
Pizza Hut.
The waiter comes and asks you for the check. Instead I give him a 20 dollar bill and say, "Boy, you can keep it!"
Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".
I would like to complain about the new sushi restaurant at Gatwick Airport. Although there were large portions going round on the conveyor, they did taste a bit like luggage.
What did the frog order?
A diet Croak!
Why did the chicken go to the restaurant?
To eat chicken!
Why can't orphans go to family restaurants?
Because they don't have a family to go with.
Why can't Tottenham open a restaurant? Because they have no silverware.
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way.
Just shit my pants and it ran all down my legs... last time I eat at Popeyes.