God: You're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.
Religion Jokes
*Riddle:* All men have one, some got long, some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married. What is it?
What is the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? You can hang the picture with just one nail.
People on 1912: This ship is unsinkable, even God himself couldn’t destroy it.
God: Ok, bet, where’s my icebergs?
Poultry rape is no joke. It is God's gift to those who want a laugh.
How do you know you've found a priest? When little Timmy is glued to his crotch.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type-O."
Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?
God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!
The dear God created the man.
Then he created woman.
When he then saw what he had done, he took care of tobacco and alcohol.
I recently learned that churches won’t let trans men become priests because they don’t consider trans men as men, which is rather confusing to me.
As a Jew, I don’t know very much about Christianity, but from what I’ve heard, don’t priests love little boys?
If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?
Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.
What does B.I.B.L.E stand for?
Bullshit In Book Lacking Evidence.
What do the initials BIBLE stand for?
"Bullshit In Book Lacking Evidence."
What does the Bartles and Jaymes wine cooler television ad have in common with ministers who are white Christian nationalists?
They both thank you for your financial support.
Why couldn't Jesus have been born in Florida?
Answer: They wouldn't be able to find "Three Wise Men" or a virgin!
Why was baptism invented?
How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?
What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?
Father-in-law.
What do you call a Muslim in a swimming pool? A bath bomb.
What do you call a Muslim sleepover?
Osamas in Pajamas.
I’m not religious, but you’re the answer to all of my prayers.
