Religion jokes
What do Christians and gays have in common?
They both say, “Oh God” when they get on their knees.
We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?
“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"
-not my joke
Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?
Because they blow up in your face.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an altar boy.
Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
A priest asks a nun if she has slept with anyone, and the nun says, "Yes, a fucking hot girl!"
The Flanders Song
God said to Noah, "There’s gonna be a floody-floody."
Rain came down, it started to get muddy-muddy.
Get these animals👏out of the arky-arky."
"Leave me alone!"
Me: uses the crucifix.
Rush: Ahahahahahahæanananana!
What's your religion?
My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.
So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.
In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.
Lucifer's so broke he can't even afford air conditioning units.
What's the difference between Jesus and a gay person?
One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.
(Yes, I know God created the rainbow, not Jesus.)
What's the difference between Jesus and a gay person?
One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.
People in 1 Ad: I bet we will have the best technology ever in 2023.
2023: GO BACK NOW! THERE'S 50 THOUSAND GENDERS, DUMB GEN Z, TIK TOK, WE NEED JESUS!
"Pray to God her inside her head. I'm scared of God."
What do you call a priest who became a singer?
Michael Jackson.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it!
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
My name is Jamar and I come from afar, ALLAHU AKBAR!