New Realization Jokes - Page 9

I was going to kill them with kindness, but then I realized using a knife is a lot faster.

When you realize the shuttle blew up.

Then you realize you're on the shuttle.

1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.

2. You can't count your hair.

3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.

4. You just tried number three.

5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.

6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.

7. You skipped number 5.

8. You just checked if there was a number 5.

9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.

When I was little, I used to think that the people in cartoons were real people...until I turned 7. I realized that it was just people doing voices. Sad, isn't it?

I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.

If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?

When you have to get your prostate checked and you can feel the cold rubber of the glove, but you realize both the doctor's hands are on your shoulders.

A boy asked his dad for some money to buy an ice cream with, so he went to an ice cream van. Whilst he was in the queue, two boys asked him what flavor he was getting. He told them "strawberry." The two boys were shocked and beat him up. The ice cream man felt bad and gave him his strawberry ice cream for free.

When he got home, his dad also asked what flavor he bought. The boy said "strawberry." His dad then kicked him out of the house. The boy, confused, walked down the street and was stopped by the police, who were looking for a boy who had been eating strawberry ice cream. The boy said, "That's me," and the policeman arrested him.

A week later in court, the boy was on trial. The judge asked, "Can you tell me what were you doing on the fifth of May?" (the day he was arrested) The boy said, "I was eating ice cream." The judge decided he was innocent. On the way out, the judge asked him what the flavor was (he had forgotten to ask during the trial). Of course, he answered with "strawberry." The judge, horrified, realized he had given the wrong verdict and the boy should have been executed. Unfortunately, he couldn't change what had happened, so the boy walked out and crossed the road but was hit by a car and died.

The moral of the story is look left and right before crossing the road.

I was wondering why the basketball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Person: Hey, do you know what's the best thing in life?

...

You do realize that I said nothing, right?

Me: Exactly :)

One day, inexplicably, my talking parrot started insulting me. He called me an idiot, a fool, a jerk, stupid, and a variety of other nasty names. I warned the squawker to cease, but to no avian avail. Fed up, I finally flipped the foul-mouthed feather-brain into the freezer...but after about 15 seconds, I relented and let him out.

"I'm so sorry," he declared! "I don't know what came over me, and realize I shouldn't have said those terrible things. I hope you can forgive me, and I promise never to do it again! By the way...what did the chicken do?" 🐔😂

When you realize the person reading this is a clown.

When Steven Hawking realizes heaven is only a stairway away.

The best part of you ran down your mother's leg... Einstein got ready to climax while doing math but realized you can't cumtilyain cumtilion. It's after sucktillion fucktillion.

Bitch: Nice eyebrows.

Me: Yeah, where's yours, motherfucker?

Bitch: (Realizing she shaved them off cause she thought it would look cool)

When you're excited to finally see your sister, and then you realize she's wearing your clothes.

I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.

I didn’t know what a class clown was till I went to a class and realized I was a class clown in kindergarten, and then I woke up from a nightmare.

Living in Houston, Texas, and realizing that hurricanes are an annual threat, my ex-wife called me and asked what would be the safest route to get out of Houston to avoid a hurricane. My answer? Take the 610 loop, dear!