Revelation jokes

I knew a guy who would always claim he had a buddy with an IQ of 1.

It turns out he was just looking in the mirror.

Me: Shut up! If you don't shut up, I'm gonna tell your parents!

You: Why? I don't have any.

A man came up to a girl about to jump off a cliff. The man said, "Why?" She then replies, "There are many monsters in this world, and I am one of them."

A guy bought an AMG and crashed it. Now he knows how the Mercedes bends.

I saw a kid on the curb while I was on a walk, and he was in baggy clothes, and I said, "Are you an orphan?" He said, "Yeah." And the orphan said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Ur parents."

How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

Mum finds out child cheats in math test.

Mom says, "There is no cheating in this house."

Child: "Then why did you cheat with my math teacher last night?"

What do priests and McDonald's have in common? They both like putting their meat in between 5-year-old buns.

My Dad said he got me from the shops, and I remembered what Grandpa said about him.

How are you and an orphan similar?

Both of your fathers are invisible.

Me and Jesus are really close; he even turns the light on for me when I go pee in the middle of the night. Well, that is what I thought until the fridge was wet.

My mom told me she couldn't open the garage door. Then it opened up to me that it wasn't broke anymore.

Me and my brother talking about relationships.

Me: We live kind of differently.

Brother: We're sort of alike.

Me: We're not alike.

Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!

My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!

What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?

With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.

Bully: "Shut up and give me your money, otherwise I will tell everyone that you are still a virgin."

Boy: "Haha, I am not a virgin anymore."

Bully: "Haha, nice joke."

Boy: "If you don't believe then ask your sister or brother."

Bully: "Hah, I don't have any sibling."

Boy: "Will just wait for 9 months then u will know."

I never knew how to use a boomerang, until it hit me.

Quiet kid: "I'm home!"

Parents: "What did you learn at school today?"

Quiet kid: "I've learned that I've had enough!"

My first name is Al and my last name is Coholic :) #yuengling.f/wat

My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.

There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.