Revelation jokes

Father: "Son, you were adopted."

Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"

Father: "We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes."

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."

Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.

So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause!

She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"

"No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out."

Now, how about that drink?

"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.

My Dad said he got me from the shops, and I remembered what Grandpa said about him.

What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?

With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.

What's the most between my uncle and aunt?

My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.

Gender reveals be going crazy nowadays.

Heterosexual sodomy is like religion. If you were forced to accept it when you were younger, you probably would not like it when you become an adult.

I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.

Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?

Wow, Heaven's a lot hotter than I thought it'd be.

And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

What does B.I.B.L.E. stand for?

Bull Shit In Book Lacking Evidence.

Does it cycle now?