Beach

What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?

"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"

Time

I told my friend to look at the clock, then I said, "Is this a bad time?"

Cannibal

Did you hear about the cannibal that came home late?

His wife gave him the cold shoulder.

Man

A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."

Coffee

I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.

Fart

What do you call someone who farts in public? A private tutor.

Punchline

There was a Cheerio that had a job. He worked hard at it, and the boss came up and promoted him to the vice president of the Cheerios. So he needed a speech. He kept practicing and practicing and now he was thirsty. It was almost time for his speech, so he went to the drinking fountain, but there was a huge line. So he went to the lake, but he saw tons of garbage and what he thought was a cereal killer. So he found this bowl of punch, but he realized... there was no punchline.

Math

I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.

Shellfish

"Have you ever heard of the snail that never gives charity?"

"Yeah, he is so shellfish!"