Somebody stole my joke.
So I stole their spinal cord.
Last time I ate a vegetable I got banned from my sisters group home.
Why did the teacher get the death penalty? Because she gave an orphan homework. That's on period. #darkhumor
A little boy got the homework that he had to learn the four first letters of the alphabet. He went to his mother, who was knitting and had hurt herself. He asked her what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she said a swear word. He went to his brother, who was playing with a Superman, and asked what the second letter of the alphabet was, and he answered "SUPERMAN!!!". Then he went to his little sister, and asked what the third letter of the alphabet was, and given the fact that she was playing with Barbies, she said, "in the Barbie Dream House!" Then he went to his father who was watching a soccer game, and his team just scored, so when he asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was, he said, "Olé Olé Olé!!!". The next day at school, the teacher asked the little boy what the first four letters of the alphabet were. He said the swear word. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN!!!", the teacher boomed. "Superman", the boy replied. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!", the teacher continued. "In the Barbie Dream House" "GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!!!" "OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ!", the boy chanted on his was down the hall.
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:
If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?
Cesar: What was that good salad called?
Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.
Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?
Servant: Hail, Cesar.
Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!
Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.
Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!
Why can’t orphans get in trouble?
Because there’s no one to give a phone call home to.
What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.
what do a priest and a pedo nothing they both like kids.
What happens when a frog parks illegally?
It gets toad.
You are all going to be pun-ished!
Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.
Why do homeless people commit crimes?
They get a bed in jail.
Why did the chief go to jail?
Because he beat the eggs and whipped the cream!
DARK ALERT********
A girl went to the doctor. The doctor said she had one year to live. She shot the doctor, and the judge gave her 15 years.
DARK ALERT********
I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.
I got in trouble today bc I threw a lamp at the emo kid and said lighten up
My teacher got so mad at me for making 9/11 jokes, she hit me twice and I said, "Damn, got hit twice!"
