I'd hit you, but I don't want to go to jail for animal abuse.
"Look at these kids stealing ideas, bro. They're going to jail."
How did the man in prison escape?
He drew a bum on the wall and slid through the crack.
Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"
After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."
It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.
My brother wanted to go fishing. I told him he had to learn how to "master bait". Go look it up on YouTube. Guess who is grounded?
when Ted Bundy found out he was getting the death penalty, he was pretty shocked...
Three nuns had to go before Mother Superior. The first one goes up to her and she says, "Have you sinned?" "Yes, I have, Mother. I have stolen a bicycle." Okay, said Mother Superior. "Say 100 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water." Up comes nun number two and she says she has sinned. "She slept with a married man." So Mother Superior says, "Okay, say 500 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water and go on your way." The third nun comes up and she says, "I peed in the holy water!" 🤣😂🤣😂😁😁🌈
"Suicide is a murder, and my body should go to jail."
Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They put doorknobs on a wall and said, "Open the door."
Why did the teacher get the death penalty? Because she gave an orphan homework. That's on period. #darkhumor
Why did the fastest cat get kicked out of school?
He was a cheetah.
Whoever invented school, I hope you burn in hell.
How do you punish a blind kid?
Move to a new house.
What happened to the frog that parked illegally?
He was toad away.
Get it?
How did Helen Keller get punished?
Her parents gave her a bomb and told her to eat it.
Me: "Comment if you love yourself and give me a reason."
Friends: comments give reason.
Me: "Notice how I commented nothing."
Day later:
Mom: Let me see your TikTok.
Me: Shows her the video.
Mom: calls suicide.
JK, she just beat me for posting a video on her.
Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.
Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.
What's a prisoner's favorite game?
Hangman!
