New Punishment Jokes - Page 9

I got suspended at school today. I lit a kid's wheelchair on fire and called him "Hot Wheels."

I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?

I'd hit you, but I don't want to go to jail for animal abuse.

Why do women have periods? Because they deserve them!

"Look at these kids stealing ideas, bro. They're going to jail."

How did the man in prison escape?

He drew a bum on the wall and slid through the crack.

Teacher, what do you call sex making out with a C.I.W.?

Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"

After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."

It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.

My brother wanted to go fishing. I told him he had to learn how to "master bait". Go look it up on YouTube. Guess who is grounded?

when Ted Bundy found out he was getting the death penalty, he was pretty shocked...

Three nuns had to go before Mother Superior. The first one goes up to her and she says, "Have you sinned?" "Yes, I have, Mother. I have stolen a bicycle." Okay, said Mother Superior. "Say 100 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water." Up comes nun number two and she says she has sinned. "She slept with a married man." So Mother Superior says, "Okay, say 500 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water and go on your way." The third nun comes up and she says, "I peed in the holy water!" 🤣😂🤣😂😁😁🌈