Why did the skeleton not listen to the rules?
He was "bone tiba wild."
Why can't Jesus play hockey?
He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
You can't put an orphan on house arrest if there isn't a house to arrest them to.
You know why teacher punished dairy milk.. 🍫🍫?? Answer : because he was choco_'late' to school.. 🏣
Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "Mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potatoes." *SMACK*! Mother slapped Mark. She then asked Suzie, "What would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatoes," said Suzie. *SMAACK*! She slapped Suzie. "Okay, Johnny, what would you like to eat?" "Well.... I sure as hell don't want no fucking potatoes."
Why can’t orphans get in trouble?
Because there’s no one to give a phone call home to.
I saw a sign the other day that said "Maximum penalty for smoking is £1,000."
But that's not right. Surely the maximum penalty for smoking is Death.
In English class, the teacher says, "Kids, you need to say the alphabet. Okay, Sally, you first." Sally says, "Okay, a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z." The teacher says, "Good job, Sally." Then the teacher called on four other students who got it right. Then the teacher called on Little Johnny. The teacher says, "Little Johnny, say the alphabet." Little Johnny says, "b c e f g h i j k l m n o p s v w x y z." The teacher says, "No, Johnny, that's not right." Johnny says, "Oh, I forgot, u r a q t." The teacher says, "No, still not right, and thank you." Johnny says, "Oh, I’ll give you the d later." The class laughs and the teacher says, "Go to the office now."
Why did the credit card go to jail??????
'Cuz' it was guilty as charged
I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...
I know, I'm going to hell!
How do you punish Helen keler just move the couch
Last night I burned down an orphanage.
There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men.
That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.
I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.
She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.
What happens when a pun isn’t funny? It gets PUNished
What do you call a man off the ground?
Hanged.
Why did the skeleton go to jail? Because he was bad to the bone!
Girl: Daddy, I've been a bad girl.
Priest: For the last time, it's "Father, I have sinned."
9 people walked into Bunnings Warehouse. 2 people bought plants. 3 people bought shovels. 1 person yelled. 3 people left Bunnings Warehouse. 1 person was me. I guess those three people are fired 💁♀️🤦♀️
What's the smartest crime?
3rd degree murder.
