On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.
Pumpkin Jokes
Guys, what should I be for Halloween (aka tomorrow)?
What does a pumpkin need when it's hurt? A pumpkin patch.
Why did the pumpkin man not go to the party? He had his hand stuck in a treasure chest.
Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?
Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.
What do you call a lamp that molests young boys? A Jacko Lantern!
What do orphans be on Halloween?
They be themselves.
What does an emo do on Halloween? They hang like a decoration.
What do a jack-o-lantern and an emo have in common?
They can both carve a new emotion.
I know what I want to be for Halloween! A pumpkin! I'm very good at carving into myself, after all.
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween?
Free delivery.
A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.
The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".
The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.
*Principal:* What is 3+3?
*Boy:* 6.
*Principal:* 6+6.
*Boy:* 12.
The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately. The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.
*Madam:* What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?
*Boy:* Legs.
*Madam:* What is in your trousers that I don't have?
*Boy:* Pockets.
*Madam:* What starts with a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?
*Boy:* Coconut.
*Madam:* What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky?
The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge
*Boy:* Bubble gum.
*Madam:* You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.
*Boy:* Tent.
*The principal was looking restless*
*Madam:* A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.
*Boy:* Wedding ring.
*Madam:* I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I Drip. When you blow me, you feel good?
*Boy:* Nose.
*Madam:* I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.
*Boy:* Arrow.
*Principal:* O MY GOD.
*Madam:* What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand?
*Boy:* Fork.
*Madam:* What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?
*Boy:* Surname.
*Principal:* Ohooo !
*Madam:* What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?
*Boy:* Heart.
*Principal:* Eeeeeh! The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam, "Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!"
How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch!
Why do a pedophile love Halloween?
Free delivery.
Why did everyone suggest that the cheetah eat all the pumpkins?
Because he cheated at everything!
What do incest families do on Halloween?
Pumpkin.
I complimented my neighbor's skeleton decoration for Halloween, but they just told me that it's their anorexic daughter.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? She gagged and moaned.
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.
Why couldn't Cinders use horses to pull the Pumpkin Coach?
Because they were too busy playing stable tennis!
