A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Yes, houses can't jump at all.
"Hippoty hoppity, women are property."
Bippity boppity, get the f*ck off my property.
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.
Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"
Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."
Lord: "My dog died?!"
Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."
Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"
Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."
Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"
Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."
Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"
Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"
Flippity floppity, women are property.
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
Time to get a new fence!
How many genders are there?
One, women are property.
The man was absolutely delighted to find that every lamp in his house was stolen.
Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.
Hippity hoppity, women are property!
Why did Marx never drink Earl Grey?
Because proper tea is theft.
What do women, tornadoes, and hurricanes have in common? They all get the house.
Why doesn't Karl Marx like Earl Grey Tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.
Why are wives also called a housekeeper?
Because after the divorce, they keep the house.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
