Pronunciation jokes

Funny how "Hawking" rhymes with "talking" and "walking," and he can't do either.

And the first four letters of his Christian name spell "step," and he also can't do that.

GOTTVERDAMMT, Hans! I said, "Glass of juice," not "Gas the Jews!"

I had a disability where I kept pronouncing my "g" as an "r", so one day, I said I liked grapes. Of course, I pronounced it "I like rapes." I was kicked out of preschool.

I love Stephen Hawking jokes so much because they roll off the tongue so nicely.

The reason I love Stephen Hawking is because they roll off the tongue so nicely.

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.

How do you say "Brazier" in German?

Stop 'em from floppin' (German accent)

A student asked a teacher, "How do you pronounce this word? It's spelled A-L-L-I-E-D."

The teacher was about to answer, but then the student said, "Actually, I know how to pronounce it. I lied!" (allied)

Read this slow: I 1 2 4 Q?

Say "traffic," and replace "r" with "h." It sounds like... that thicc.

Say "ocean" 5 times and you say "oh shit!"

Kid: Dad, where do you work?

Dad: I.C.U.P.

Kid: HAHAHAH!!!! See you pee.

Say "lettuce" and spell "cup."

Spell Mississippi.

M-I-S-S-I-P-P~

Haha you said pp.

Spell "I cup..." "I see you pee!"

Say this out loud: "Gabe Itch."

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the "p" is silent.

Tell someone to say "alpha" and then "kenny one". Tell them to say it very fast. Tell them it sounded like they said, "I'll fuck anyone!"

Say:

"Eye"

Spell:

"Map"

Say:

"Ness"

Now say it fast!

"Spell ICUP."