How do you get four prostitutes on one chair?
You turn it upside down.
Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
I wanted to solve teen suicide, so I shot up a middle school.
How are humans and computers different? A human doesn't have trouble shooting.
Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
"The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem." - Jack Sparrow
What do lesbians do when they have a problem? They finger it out.
Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car." They continue on with their bath.
Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, "Hey, what's that?" Lil Susie looks down and says, "Oh, that, that's only my little red race car garage." They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, "Hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage?"
The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, "What's wrong?" Lil Susie says, "Well, Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn't fit, so we cut them off."
What do computers and white kids have in common? They don't have trouble shooting.
An orphan girl wanted a family so she was raped until pregnant. Problem solved.
Ran out of toilet paper, so had to start using lettuce leaves... today was the tip of the iceberg.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.
I wasn’t understanding what I had to do for homework, so my teacher said, “Let me break it down for you like the Twin Towers.”
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
Why are the Americans good at Rubik's cubes? Because they have a long history of separating colors.
My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking, so I brought home some tampons.
I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.
Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.
Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?
Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.
Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.
Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.
Me: ...
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
How do you get a clown to stop smiling?
You shoot him in the face.
