Mom, mom, I'm holding my little brother's hand..... Little Johnny, good! But he's not born yet.
Pregnancy Jokes
Do you know how babies are made? The boy puts his penis in the girl's butt and goes up and down for ten minutes. Then the girl takes a pregnancy test, and if it says no, then you keep doing it until she is pregnant.
The boy will lick the girl down there, and she will put his penis in her mouth and suck it. Then he will spit on his hand and rub it on her boobs and lick/suck them.
What starts with "M" and ends in "arrige" and is a man's favorite thing?
Miscarriage, this joke never gets old, just like the baby.
What's a man's favorite thing that starts with "m" and ends with "arriage?"
Miscarriage.
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jill said yes, took off her dress, and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pills, and now they have a son.
Why do they call it abortion? Because they aborted the mission.
What is black and white and red all over?
An interracial abortion.
The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we've all kicked a pregnant woman before we were even born.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?
A Kinder Surprise egg.
What starts with M and ends with arriage?
Miscarriage. Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?
Neither does the child.
Why didn't the wife want sex?
Because they were having too many babies.
My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"
How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.
A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats," but none of them touch the man's penis and say "well done?"
Why doesn't Barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box!
I was gonna tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Somebody’s son said, "Mom, my dick has white stuff coming out of it." She said, "Oh, good one, son, so when’s the baby coming?"
Why can't you ever fool an aborted baby?
Because it wasn't born yesterday!
