Pregnancy Jokes

What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

What do cannibals call pregnant women? A kinder surprise.

What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?

The nun gets pregNUNt.

When Bubba's condom broke, he spent a lot of sleepless nights wondering if he was going to be an uncle or a dad.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

Wife: "Hi honey, I'm pregnant."

Husband: "Hi pregnant, I'm dad."

Wife: "No, you're not...."

Do you have dark humor?

Actually, never mind. I was going to tell you a joke about babies dying... but I decided to abort.

What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?

A Kinder Surprise.

A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.

Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."

Woman: "What's the bad news?"

Dr: "Your baby is Ginger!"

Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"

Dr: "It's dead!"

What’s the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady?

Answer: You can unscrew a lightbulb, but you can’t unscrew a lady.

So, this woman had a job. She wanted to hang out with her boyfriend, so she lied about having the coronavirus. Then she got out of work. Then she was texting her boss when she thought she was texting her boyfriend. Then she said, "I lied. Now we can...you know...water...sigh...lick...sigh." Then her boss texted, "Ew and YOU'RE FIRED."

One more story: One day this teen named Alexis got kicked out of a house, then went to live with her boyfriend. Then she got pregnant and posted it all on social media.

I was about to make a baby joke but then decided to abort.

You can laugh at how men are stupid. But remember their favorite thing.

It starts with "M" and ends with "arriage".

If you guessed "Marriage" you're stupid. It's miscarriage and don't forget it. The joke never gets old to him. Just like the baby.

I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.

What's red, six inches long, and made my girlfriend cry when I fed it to her?

Her miscarriage.

I was gonna tell a baby joke, but I had to abort.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.

What's a similarity between a broken lightbulb and a pregnant woman?

They're both accidents.

A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.

One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."

Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."

Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"

All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"

The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."

What's similar between a fetus and a failed mission?

You abort it.

What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.