Pregnancy jokes
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jill said yes, took off her dress, and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pills, and now they have a son.
Why do they call it abortion? Because they aborted the mission.
What is black and white and red all over?
An interracial abortion.
The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we've all kicked a pregnant woman before we were even born.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?
A Kinder Surprise egg.
What starts with M and ends with arriage?
Miscarriage. Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?
Neither does the child.
Why didn't the wife want sex?
Because they were having too many babies.
My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"
How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.
A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats," but none of them touch the man's penis and say "well done?"
Why doesn't Barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box!
I was gonna tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Somebody’s son said, "Mom, my dick has white stuff coming out of it." She said, "Oh, good one, son, so when’s the baby coming?"
Why can't you ever fool an aborted baby?
Because it wasn't born yesterday!
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
What do cannibals call pregnant women? A kinder surprise.
What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?
The nun gets pregNUNt.
When Bubba's condom broke, he spent a lot of sleepless nights wondering if he was going to be an uncle or a dad.