I want coffee like my men.
Dark.
I don't like the term "kidnapping." I prefer "surprise adoption."
Why did Jeffery Dahmer not eat old people?
He does not like roasted vegetables.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'd rather be single than be with someone like you.
How are gay people like mice?
They both hate pussies.
Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?
Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.
I guess age is just a number, but in your boyfriend's case, a personal preference.
I only trust people that like big butts... they cannot lie.
The first windmill said to the second, "What's your favorite type of music?"
The second windmill said, "I'm a big metal fan!"
What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?
Depends on who's sucking.
If it does more than pee, it's too old for me!
I like my women how I like my cigarettes: Smokin’ hot, and with a little saliva on the butt.
Why do gay men hate periods?
They prefer Collins.
Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?
They hate it when you hand it to them.
Sex is like pizza.
When it’s hot, it’s great.
When it’s cold, it’s still pretty good.
Which one would be better to fuck, a fat bitch or a skinny bitch?
Why is it that skinny men like fat women?
Because they need warmth in winter, and shade in summer.
What's worse, being loved or hated? 'Cause when you're loved you could be left alone or be betrayed, but when you're hated no one's there to leave you. What do you think?
Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?
Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.
A guy asks his priest friend what he wants to eat, and the priest says "bad boys." Then his friend asks, "What kebab do you want?" and the priest says, "B Bricked up Caucasian or Asian will do."
