Drunk

THE FUNNY DUDE

Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.” “Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.” “Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop. “Well, because I’m drunk!”

Bank

Anonymous

An old lady was low on money because she had spent all of her money on clothes. So she decided to go to the bank. She walked up to the guy at the desk. She asked if he could check her balance. He asked a few questions to the old lady. Like her weight and her height. He asked her if she had done any exercise recently. She was very confused. She got angry and asked the man again to check her balance. So he stood up, walked next to her and pushed her over. He came to the conclusion that she had a low balance

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Puns

Anonymous

Why did the orange go blind? Cause he was low on vitamin c

Flat

Weirdo.

Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed, receiving medical treatment not that far after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit him. Jeremy told his best buddy this very inspiring sentence: “Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb tall peaking mountains, and low flat valleys, and all after that we’ll be happy forever in heaven, eventually.”

little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor

War

Yummy

What is Obi-Wan Kenobi’s greatest enemy?

The low ground

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Mountain

Sick

Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed receiving medical treatment soon after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit Bob and told him this very inspiring sentence: “Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb peaking mountains, and cross low valleys.”

little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor

Toe

bob the builder

“Better lock 'em doors and turn the lights down low… better turn em on just stubbed my fucking toe”

Battery

Skye Shepherd

What where Stephens last words “battery low”

Titanic

Anonymous

Don’t tell a Titanic joke, or you’ll sink to a whole new low.

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Computer

The other other computer

One day a computer said to another computer, "Why are you so dumb." The other computer replied, “Because I have low memory.”

Fat

■~■

Your mamma is so fat that she saved me a lot of money by sitting in my car when I wanted to buy a low rider●-●

Puns

Anonymous

you know why I have so low IQ? its because the left side of my brain gets nothing right and the right side of my brain has nothing left

Woman

Major Ostrich

I like my women how I like my golf score. Low in the 80s and with a handicap.

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Difference

Anonymous

What’s the difference between someone who is high on the spectrum low on the spectrum, at least I can write this joke

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Ball

coolthomas44

What hangs low?

Balls

Pants

Anonymous

why do men sag there pants so low and still wear a belt

the same reason women bring their purse on a date and don’t pay

Baby

Anonymous

Ugh don’t you just hate it when your having sex and your parents walk in he room and say “ No more dead babies for your mister we are running low!”

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Doctor

Fourth grade comedy

What was the doctor’s diagnoses on a dinosaur with a low sex drive? teraerectile dysfunction

Cow

Deepika Amar

What did the indian say to the cow?

I lowe you, moo than anything

Ball

Anonymous

Hay man what’s your name oh my name is do your balls hang low can you swing it to in fro can you tie it in a not can you tie it in a bow