Planet jokes

Don’t kill the Earth, it’s the only one with beer.

So, Dad is teaching his 8-year-old son about the planets and said, "This is Uranus." Then the 5-year-old son says, "Where is my anus?"

I heard that Uranus is pronounced "yuuranus," but it reminded me of urine! 😆

Phobos and Deimos are just asteroids in moon costumes, and Mars was blind due to its frequent sandstorms, so it let Phobos and Deimos be its moons.

Kid: Why is Pluto a dwarf planet?

Kid 2: Why?

Kid: 'Cause it's as short as your dick.

I always knew that Maranda Sings was orbiting Uranus.

What is Saturn's favorite song?

"7 Rings."

Why is there a hole in Uranus?

What would Earth say if it had a boyfriend?

You need to com-it.

Uranus be like, "Oh look, I'm Uranus. Imagine how disgusted I feel."

What do you call a rapper who LOVES space?

Snoop Star.

Your hairline is so far back, scientists consider it a ninth planet.

Why has nobody been on Neptune? Because the wind is so big. And why the wind's so big? Because Neptune's yelling, "GETT OFFF MMY PPRROOPERRTY!!"

Why is Jupiter so big? Because it works out!

Why is the world split in half? Because fat people are weighing the Earth down.

Hey, I never knew we had a planet in our body!

Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.

It's a good thing I'm married.

How do astronauts have a party?

They planet.

Uranus is sideways and leaking methane.

Yo mama so fat, she plays tennis with Pluto.