I saw this boy named Phone. He said where would he live? I said an orphanage.
I am the Titanic, and I'm looking for a place to crash tonight.
Me: What do you want to do for your birthday?
Fiancé: I want to go somewhere I've never been before!
Me: Well welcome to the Kitchen!
What is an emo's favorite place?
Niagara Falls.
You call it Hell. I call it Saunaworld DX.
Bro, you were born in a local 7-Eleven bathroom.
I still don't know what's the worst, most dangerous place to take your children on holiday, but, for certain, it's either Vatican City or Neverland Ranch.
An orphan asked his caretaker where his parents are, and the caretaker said, "A place called home."
Yo mama so thick, they need an aircraft carrier to take her places.
I was doing some karate the other day at the studio.
They kicked me out because I was doing “kungi fui.”
I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.
Why was Sonic fast?
To be rolling around at the speed of sound, got places to go, gotta follow my lead.
I asked a girl I met if I could take her out to dinner.
The joke is I knew right after she said, "I'll call you," she was lying to me, not surprised even a little.
The next joke was a part of me hoped she would call, but did I really think she was going to? I'll never be good enough for anyone, what was I thinking, why did I even bother to ask her in the first place? I think it was just to prove I was right, I'm unwanted.
LONELINESS EQUALS SADNESS.
The poacher agrees but says that his assistant is ill and will need the man to come with him in his assistant's place. The man agrees, and so the poacher goes out to the jungle with the man.
The poacher brings a pair of handcuffs, a long stick, a shotgun, and a dog. They search through the jungle for about an hour and then spot a male gorilla above in the treetops.
The man asks the poacher what the plan is. The poacher replies, "I'm going to climb the tree and, when I get close enough, I'm going to start poking the gorilla with the stick until it falls out of the tree.
The dog is a specially trained dog. When the gorilla falls out of the tree, the dog will try to bite off the gorilla's balls. When the gorilla moves its hands to protect its balls, you put the handcuffs on it."
This all seems to make sense to the man, but he has one question. "What is the shotgun for?" he asks the poacher. The poacher responds: "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the dog."
Let’s try and make this joke the most liked and commented on this website. (Ps, you may need to say it out loud to get it.)
I went to a zoo and there were no people and there was one dog. It was a shih tzu.
Where are people sent to die?
Ross Hall academy.
What hype is this place out? Is it for the night? You cannot say what is a great night. I have a good night.
So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.
After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."
So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."
I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.
I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"
He gave me a book.
It was the Quran.
I said, "What the hell is that?"
He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."
When you end up pregnant...
Mom told me if a boy touched my breast I should say "DON'T," and if he touched me down there I should say "STOP." But Dad, he touched me both places at once so I said, "DON'T STOP! DON'T STOP!" 😂
