Pet jokes
I cried when my dad cut up onions. Onions was a good dog.
What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
I lost my dog. I probably shouldn't have named him "rape."
What did the dog say to the cat? Ruff!
Dentist: Open up, sir.
Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.
Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.
Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.
Dentist: Do you need help??
Me: Yep.
Dentist: ...
Me: ....
Q: What do you call a dog that stepped in its own shit?
A: I don't know.
Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a cat?
A: Cowacat
B: Mooore
C: Cowacatfood
I had sex with my dog once, and my cat hissed at me for not doing her.
READ THIS OUT LOUD:
This is this cat.
This is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is an cat.
This is idiot cat.
This is a busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is forty cat.
this is seconds cat.
NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.
My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.
I was crying because my dad was cutting onions...
Onions was a good dog.
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?
A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.
I am whooping my doge's a$$. If you like, you can free him.
I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.
She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."
What’s the difference between a puppy and a fork?
I don’t microwave forks.
I started crying when Dad started cutting onions.
Onions was a good dog.
Like if your best friend has a dog.
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it's not coming anyways.