Pet jokes

Wacko Jacko bleached his skin, lit his head on fire, slept in a chamber, abused his pet monkey, built an amusement park in his own backyard, had toys as decor for his home, slept with little boys, raped little boys. Jacko was Florida Man before Florida Man.

Why do white people own so many pets?

'Cause they can't own people anymore.

I pushed a dog into a fire and said, "Hot dog!"

Dad: Hey, uh... you're adopted.

Dog: *frown*

What do you call a girl furry?

A pussy cat.

A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.

The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”

The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”

I went to the zoo the other day and it only had one dog... yeah, it was a shih tzu.

I cried when my dad cut up onions. Onions was a good dog.

What do you call a dog magician?

A labracadabrador.

I lost my dog. I probably shouldn't have named him "rape."

What did the dog say to the cat? Ruff!

Dentist: Open up, sir.

Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.

Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.

Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.

Dentist: Do you need help??

Me: Yep.

Dentist: ...

Me: ....

Q: What do you call a dog that stepped in its own shit?

A: I don't know.

Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.

What do you get when you cross a cow with a cat?

A: Cowacat

B: Mooore

C: Cowacatfood

I had sex with my dog once, and my cat hissed at me for not doing her.

READ THIS OUT LOUD:

This is this cat.

This is cat.

This is how cat.

This is to cat.

This is keep cat.

This is an cat.

This is idiot cat.

This is a busy cat.

This is for cat.

This is forty cat.

this is seconds cat.

NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.

My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.

I was crying because my dad was cutting onions...

Onions was a good dog.

My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.