Pet jokes
Dentist: Open up, sir.
Me: So... I hate my life, my family, my sisters, my dog, my cat, and I tried to take a bath with my toaster, but my dog took it. That's why I hate my dog. And my cat died trying to chew my rope; it choked... Yea.
Dentist: I... meant your mouth... so I can clean your teeth.
Me: :O Ohhhh, my bad.
Dentist: Do you need help??
Me: Yep.
Dentist: ...
Me: ....
Q: What do you call a dog that stepped in its own shit?
A: I don't know.
Simplest way to tell if dogs are better than cats: My dog is named Curiosity, and your cat is dead.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a cat?
A: Cowacat
B: Mooore
C: Cowacatfood
I had sex with my dog once, and my cat hissed at me for not doing her.
READ THIS OUT LOUD:
This is this cat.
This is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is an cat.
This is idiot cat.
This is a busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is forty cat.
this is seconds cat.
NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.
My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.
I was crying because my dad was cutting onions...
Onions was a good dog.
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?
A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.
I am whooping my doge's a$$. If you like, you can free him.
I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.
She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."
What’s the difference between a puppy and a fork?
I don’t microwave forks.
I started crying when Dad started cutting onions.
Onions was a good dog.
Like if your best friend has a dog.
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it's not coming anyways.
My dog died. I'm so sad.
What does a male Asian P*rnstar like to say?
"I love eating cat."
The teacher called Little Johnny to her desk. She said: “This essay you’ve written about your pet dog is exactly the same essay your brother has written.”
“Of course it is,” said Johnny. “It’s the same dog.”
What do you call a dog with no legs? Call him whatever you want, he's not coming.