Pet jokes
If the hairdresser is healthy, the cat is happy. *purr*.
On the other hand, if the hairdresser is sick, the cat is happy too. *purrs on the bed*
Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter; it ain’t coming to you.
Yesterday I bought my daughter a cat, but accidentally hit her with the car today. I have no idea what to do with the cat now.
I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.
How do cats masturbate? They lick they pussy.
How do cats relieve themselves in front of people? By licking their puss.
if you play minecraft: your dog is still waiting for you in the world you made along time ago.
My dog is pregnant. I'm gonna be a... I don't know?
Ohhh, an owner.
There's no Asian kids in my class, but it just happens to be the rice store and the pet store just ran out of stock...
What do you say when your pet pig gets lost?
This is a pig problem!
I had asked my dog what 2 - 2 is...
She said nothing.
How are infants and chocolate alike? They'll both kill your dog.
One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."
I cried when my dad cut onions. Onions was such a good dog.
What did Joe Biden say to the dog? I'm gonna molest you.
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?
A: Either way they'll kill your dog.
Wacko Jacko bleached his skin, lit his head on fire, slept in a chamber, abused his pet monkey, built an amusement park in his own backyard, had toys as decor for his home, slept with little boys, raped little boys. Jacko was Florida Man before Florida Man.