Personal jokes

What mental disorder do all Mexicans have?

Borderline Personality Disorder.

I went to the bank to apply for a Personal Loan.

Then they found out I wanted to be a rapper, so they didn't want to Post M"loan."

What do you call a black person in a swimming pool?

Coco Pops.

Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.

The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.

The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"

Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.

A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.

"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.

"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.

"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."

Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:

"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"

I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway. I decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.

I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.

Bro sat down too close for comfort. I told him to move or he would get hurt.

Come on, how hard could it possibly be To move a few inches? You’re touching my D.

A guy really needs his personal space. Disobey and I’ll shove it in your face.

I threw a gay person into a fire. Now we call him LGBBQ.

What do you call a transgender person in a wheelchair?

An Autobot.

When the person who killed JFK heard "headshot."

What does a rich person eat? 24 karats/carrots!

Imagine if a disabled person's last name was Runner or Walker! 😬😂

What can’t a person with no arms do: if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.

One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.

"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"

How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.

Why can’t you have a proper conversation with a gay person?

They’re never straight with you.

Who is not hungry in Africa?

A dead person.

Hey, I just want to give a round of applause to Shooter McFly, single-handedly keeping the jokes section alive. Unappreciated, well, Shooter, one person here appreciates you, at least.

Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”

Person 2: “Seven.”

Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”

Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”

(Based on an encounter I had recently)

What's the difference between a dog from an Asian person and a cat from an Asian person?

Only the taste.