Person jokes

What is the difference between tuna, a piano, and glue? You can tuna a piano, but you cannot piano a tuna.

(The person you ask should say what about the glue.) Response: I knew you would get stuck there.

Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."

"Oh, cool."

"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."

"Makes sense."

"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

"Where's Trump's clock?"

"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."

And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.

Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.

Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."

Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?

Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.

You're so poor that when you walked into an elevator, you thought it was a mobile home.

Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?

Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.

What do a deaf person and an orphan have in common? Neither of them can hear their parents.

Why does everyone respect midgets and dwarves?

They never look down on anyone.

What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? You're not dead.

I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.

When a person yells, just laugh and remember that they can’t hurt what’s already dead.

How do you know someone is going to die?

He can't stop coughing. (coffin)

What do cannibals call a person that is running?

Fast food.

Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.

When does the slowest person go as fast as a train?

When he is on the train.

What do you call a night person? A night owl 🦉 who is up all night, lol!

They are hairy.

Guys, the person that said "suck a dick" was Mase. His real name is Mason, so ya.

Has anyone alive ever died?

Is this our eternal life?

If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.

Why did the emo person cross the road?

TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE Haha.