Person jokes

What do you call a man with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows. No body, nose.

A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."

What is a suicidal horny person's job?

A butcher.

What does a person that’s high and Helen Keller have in common?

Both stare off into space.

I saw a disabled person in the super market. They were at the vegetable aisle.

What do you get if you talk to a Down syndrome person face to face at close distance?

Soaked...

What’s one thing that a gay person is scared of?

A gay guy that’s straight!

1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.

2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.

3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.

4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.

5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.

7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.

8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.

9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.

10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?

11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.

12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.

When someone says, "Jesus," I say, "Bitch, where?"

What is the difference between tuna, a piano, and glue? You can tuna a piano, but you cannot piano a tuna.

(The person you ask should say what about the glue.) Response: I knew you would get stuck there.

Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."

"Oh, cool."

"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."

"Makes sense."

"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

"Where's Trump's clock?"

"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."

And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.

Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.

Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."

Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?

Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.

How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?

Are you 7/11 or 9/11?

What would you call a person who hides in a house for 24 hours and then kills them?

Morgz.

I saw someone who was about to jump off a bridge. They were wearing a Nike "JUST DO IT" shirt.

You are the reason why child abortion still exists in the world.

If I flip off an Asian person, he can't see it.

A poor person came up to me and said, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."

I'm not saying I'm ugly...

But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.

Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?

Me: I have depression, what do you think?!