Person jokes

What is a kind thing to say to someone and what is a rude thing to say to someone?

Kind thing to say to someone: You are the most perfect you there is. Your outlook on life is amaz- (BLAH, BLAH, BLAH ENOUGH!)

Rudist thing to say too someone: You more uglyer than my mama's boyfriend. You are a son of a b word! Okay that is so much rude and why you can say that to a tree but anyway not the point. Bonus: The world's most weirdest name to say to a girl, is Nutter butter, we know that's a weird *and* stupid name because she is not nutter or butter she is a person not a thing! Oh well bye!!!!

A teacher asked a class who killed Goliath. The first pupil said he wasn’t the one. The second said he doesn’t know. No one knew in the class.

The teacher got furious and dashed to the Head Master’s office to report. Immediately, the head master followed him back to the class with a cane. He growled- “If no one tells me who killed Goliath in this class, you will see fire!” Everyone in the class insisted on the fact that it wasn’t them.

Then the Head master looked at the teacher and said- “Mr. Dapo, are you sure that the person who killed Goliath is in this class?” The teacher fainted.

What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?

Names.

What's the difference between a homeless person and a car?

Only one gets fuel.

Helen Keller.

What's the difference between Batman and a gay person?

Batman has no one to call "daddy."

What do you call a fat person in a wheelchair?

A broken wheelchair.

Since Christopher Reeves can't play Superman, they got a new person: Christopher Walken.

When you think about it, Hitler wasn’t a bad person. He killed Hitler.

What does the depressed person say to the happy person?

"Damn, I wish I was on the stuff you're on, lol."

A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."

What is a suicidal horny person's job?

A butcher.

What does a person that’s high and Helen Keller have in common?

Both stare off into space.

What do you call a man with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows. No body, nose.

I saw a disabled person in the super market. They were at the vegetable aisle.

What do you get if you talk to a Down syndrome person face to face at close distance?

Soaked...

What’s one thing that a gay person is scared of?

A gay guy that’s straight!

1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.

2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.

3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.

4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.

5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.

7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.

8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.

9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.

10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?

11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.

12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.

When someone says, "Jesus," I say, "Bitch, where?"

What is the difference between tuna, a piano, and glue? You can tuna a piano, but you cannot piano a tuna.

(The person you ask should say what about the glue.) Response: I knew you would get stuck there.