Person jokes
Person: "Doctor, doctor, I've only got 50 seconds to live!"
Doctor: "Just give me a minute!"
Why do you want me?
Cus u like me...
What do you mean?
You love me.
No.
Look down.
Callum Coulter
I guess age is just a number, but in your boyfriend's case, a personal preference.
How do you know if an Asian has been in your house?
Your dog's gone.
Your finances are done.
And your floaties.
When someone falls, you say to them, "I remember when I started to learn to walk."
Me: Hi Jaiden.
Bully/Jaiden Harper: Leave me alone, weirdo.
Me: Wow, says the one who didn't pass 3rd grade.
Bully/Jaiden Harper: *hits*
Me: *calls FBI and puts on gloves and stabs random person then gives knife to Jaiden and takes off gloves* Bye bye.
FBI: FBI OPEN UP!!!!!!!!!
Person 1 says to Person 2: "I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith."
So Person 2 says to Person 1: "What's the name of his other leg?"
You: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Random person: Why?
You: To get to the idiot's house!
Random person: What?
You: Knock knock.
Random person: Who's there?
You: The chicken.
What’s one thing that a gay person is scared of?
A gay guy that’s straight!
Chuck Norris hasn’t decided yet when Jimmy Hoffa can come out.
If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.
What's the difference between a computer and a crumpled person? A computer runs.
Why did the little boy cry?
He had a frog nailed to his face and stapled to each of his fins. The frogs were his personal molesters.
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
What happens when you suck?
You succ.
Q: How do you get a one armed person out of a tree?
A: You wave at them.
What does an apple and a gay person have in common?
Both fruits hang in trees out in the Middle East.
Who did Stephen Hawking love more than anyone else?
His wife, "Eye," who was also bad at running.
I made someone a PB and J sandwich... they died.