What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?
When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.
The twin towers are like my parents, only one came back.
Why can't Jordan moan?
Because his parents are in the room next to him. Asleep.
Your moms my dad. think about that
One day I saw my friend in a hospital bed. He told me to call 911. Instead, I called his parents.
Kid: "Mom, what happened to Jim?"
Mom: "He got inside a white van."
My parents love me.
Dad: Uh, yeah!
Son: Mom, Dad, what are you doing!
Parents: Sex!
Son: What?
Parents: Look, you can spectate!
A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”
Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!"
Genie: "Wish granted!"
When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.
Q: What type of mother gives their daughter sperm? A: A furry mother.
Robin asks Batman what he is getting his parents for Christmas. Batman gets mad, slaps Robin, and runs off crying.
Now you know why Batman Beyond was born when Bruce died. cause of death: suicide
Parents: Why do you use your phone on the toilet?
Me: The same reason you read the newspaper on the toilet.
I live next to a kindergarten, and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.
Roses are red, Kevin Spacey is gay,
If you'd stayed with your parents, I wouldn't have taken you away.
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbor.
Police: Where is your neighbor’s house?
Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me.
Police: Tell me.
Me: Next to my house.
Father: "Son, you were adopted."
Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: "We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes."
I don't know why my blind kid is crying, but I think it could be the tacks I put on the couch.
What's the best part about beating up an orphan?
They can't tell their parents.
What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?
My stepdad beat my ass before he left.
