Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? I butter not tell you.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts!
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Walnut. Walnut who? I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter's dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
