Parademic jokes
A tortoise was in a dry pool along with some geese. The tortoise said that they could carry him to a fresh pool. Then the geese flew through the air holding the tortoise. The tortoise was about to say something, but fell and died.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous, aka cashews.
The nut is so solid, it’s peanut brittle.
I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.
In Africa, a koala and a kangaroo were very thirsty. The kangaroo said that when they have no water, they dig a hole and water comes out of it. Then the kangaroo dug, and in one minute the koala asked if there was any water. The kangaroo said no, and the koala had to wait for many minutes. Soon water came out of the hole, and then the koala jumped into the hole and drank water. The kangaroo wanted water too, so he tried to pull out the koala, but instead, his tail got chopped off, and then they never became friends again.
A farmer had a donkey and a dog. One night, he was getting robbed by a thief. The donkey told the dog to bark, but the dog refused. So the donkey brayed very loudly, and the thief ran out of the house, and the farmer beat up the donkey.
I have a pun, but I will nut tell you!
Once a monkey lived in a jamun tree. His friend, a crocodile, came there to eat jamun everyday. The second day, he ate some jamun and left some for his wife. Soon, his wife said, "Why don't you kill this monkey?"
The crocodile was sad and then asked the monkey to come to his place. The monkey said, "What if I drown?" The crocodile said, "Jump on my back." The monkey jumped on his back. The crocodile soon said, "I am gonna kill you. My wife is sick and wants to eat your heart." The monkey said, "I left my heart on the jamun tree." Then the crocodile swam back to the jamun tree and the monkey jumped on the tree.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.
U u u u u u I haveggdvk hey apple.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts!
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
A mouse said, "Who should put the bell on the cat?" Then all mice said, "The old one."
The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
"Float like a butternut, sting like a bee."
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.