Parademic jokes
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
There lived a jackal in a forest. He did not get the day's food, so he was very hungry and wandered throughout the forest, but could not find any food. Finally, he decided to go to the city. As he was walking into the city, he heard some dogs bark. Soon, he found a group of dogs running towards him, so he rushed into a nearby house which belonged to a dyer and fell into a tub filled with blue dye. The dogs that were chasing him returned back as they could not find him. The jackal came out blue from the tub and went into the forest. Every animal in the forest was frightened to see a new animal. The jackal realized that all animals were afraid of him and took advantage of the situation. He called the animals towards him. The jackal said, "Oh my dear friends, I have been sent by gods in heaven to protect you all. I will be the king of this jungle." All the animals became very happy. Everyday they served him food and took care of all his needs. They came to him with all their problems and listened to what their king said. One day as the king jackal was sitting by the court, he heard a pack of jackals howling in the forest. For a long time, he had not heard these voices. He felt very happy, forgetting he was the king, he howled back immediately. All the animals knew who he really was and started chasing him in anger, but the jackal was already on the run.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.
The joke about the giraffe’s neck is far too long to tell.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
"Float like a butternut, sting like a bee."
A mouse said, "Who should put the bell on the cat?" Then all mice said, "The old one."
"Peppa Pig"-like pandemics.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”
Wheels on the bus go round and round Round and round round and round Wheels on the bus go round and round All through the town.
Horn on the bus goes beep beep beep Beep beep beep beep beep beep Horn on the bus goes beep beep beep All through the town.
The sheep on the bus goes baa baa baa Baa baa baa baa baa baa The sheep on the bus goes baa baa baa All through the town.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
Kidloland
Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost? The nearest Shell station.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.