Parademic jokes
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
The nut is so solid, it’s peanut brittle.
I want an almond-flavored biscuit.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it a la mode.
I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder milk.
What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.
My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.
"Slow and steady wins the race."
What is the difference between a cow and a chicken?
It's white and it's brown.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost? The nearest Shell station.