Parademic jokes
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Can I ask you a question? Nut now!
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it a la mode.
A friend asked what an acorn is.
I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
"Don’t look! I saw you peeking through the window."
What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.
My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.
You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost? The nearest Shell station.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
I want an almond-flavored biscuit.
I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder milk.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.
If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.
If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.
And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!
"Slow and steady wins the race."