Parademic jokes
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Can I ask you a question? Nut now!
The nut is so solid, it’s peanut brittle.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it a la mode.
Don’t panic! Stay c-almond collected.
I want an almond-flavored biscuit.
A friend asked what an acorn is.
I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder milk.
"Don’t look! I saw you peeking through the window."
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.
My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.