Parademic jokes
I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder milk.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.
You can assume a horse is called a great jumper when the horse’s name is “Polo Neck”.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost? The nearest Shell station.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Can I ask you a question? Nut now!
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it a la mode.
A friend asked what an acorn is.
I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
"Don’t look! I saw you peeking through the window."
What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.
My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigsty. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.