Don’t look! I saw you pecan through the window
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost? The nearest Shell station.
How did the nut study for its test? It used the inter-nut.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain? He wanted them rusted.
What did one nut say to the other? “Cashew later.”
Cashew a question? Nut now!
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
My friend’s neighbor’s house is a real pigs tie. There are hogs everywhere wearing neck garments.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder milk.
How do you catch an elephant? Act like a peanut.
What do elephants drink on vacation? Peanut coladas.
What competition do nuts participate in? The peanut butter cup.
I want an almond-flavored biscuit.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
What is a difference between a cow and a chicken
Its white and its brown
Where do squirrels go for fun? The acorn-ival.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend? Act like a nut.
What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.
Which nut is the worst for your diet? Donuts.
