Parademic jokes
I have a pun, but I will nut tell you!
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
They never told us Humpty was an egg. A man died then!
Do not ever make fun of people who look like they have no necks. They are fully protected from vampires.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
Can I ask you a question? Nut now!
What eats nuts and bolts? A squirrel that’s running late!
Happy was a cute hippo.
Happy sleeps in the water.
Happy walks on land.
Happy runs on Savannahs.
Happy swims in mud.
Happy takes a bath.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
A dog found a bone. Then he was walking happily across the street, and he saw a bridge. He decided to walk on the bridge. He saw his reflection and thought it was another dog. Then he barked at him, and the bone fell in the river. The dog said, "What a fool I have been," and walked away.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you!
I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io!
A zebra couldn't find any grass. Then he saw a monkey cooking. He thought to steal a little, but he was burned in the fore, and the smoke was all over him. But when he went to the ocean, it was still there, and zebras are stuck in this style forever.