Paper jokes

My math teacher walked by and asked me, "What is that?"

I said, "Paper."

She said, "Really?"

I said, "Yeah, do you need glasses?"

Two twins were talking in class. I threw a paper airplane at one of them.

What did the pencil say to the piece of paper? You FLAT.

What did the spoon say to the pancake batter? You THICK.

There was a boy in the gym who was in his late teens. He was sitting at the dumbbells tables, but he wasn't lifting. He instead, sat up and was ripping something up.

The manager then walked over to him and asked, "You're hogging the dumbbells, dude! What are you even doing?" The boy hesitated, then said, "Getting ripped, wanna join me?" as he held up stacks of blank paper. The man silently sat on the table with him and grabbed some papers. "Why not?" he finally said.

Teacher's pen is RED, our pen is BLUE, she is marking an EGG on my marksheet, left with questions and no CLUE.

A blind man handed me a piece of paper. It said, "⠊⠋ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠉⠁⠝ ⠞⠗⠁⠝⠎⠇⠁⠞⠑ ⠞⠓⠊⠎ ⠽⠕⠥ ⠁⠗⠑ ⠛⠁⠽."

I have no idea how he knew.

I got these two people in my class we call them Twin Towers, so when I heard about it I threw a paper airplane at them.

POV: I threw a paper airplane between the two twins, class.

I threw a paper airplane at the twin sisters. The teacher was upset. I guess they don't read the news.

Does money grow on trees? No.

What is money made of? Paper.

What is paper made out of? Trees!

My mama always told me, don't pick your nose or it will fall off! I thought she meant my nose.

Hey, give me a break! I'm a little shorthanded!

Oh no, not rock paper scissors again! I always lose. Come on guys, I just lost my finger a day ago! This is Tony, later on.

What did the poop say to the toilet paper? “You’re on a roll!”

The Hodja purchased a piece of meat at the market, and on his way home he met a friend.

Seeing the Hodja's purchase, the friend told him an excellent recipe for stew.

"I'll forget it for sure," said the Hodja. "Write it on a piece of paper for me."

The friend obliged him, and the Hodja continued on his way, the piece of meat in one hand and the recipe in the other. He had not walked far when suddenly a large hawk swooped down from the sky, snatched the meat, and flew away with it.

"It will do you no good!" shouted the Hodja after the disappearing hawk. "I still have the recipe!"

Best friend *holds a sign up that says "what gender are you?"*

Me: Uh, male?..

Best friend *then unfolds paper so it reads "what gender are you attracted to?"*

Me: You silly goose.

*Silence for like three seconds*

Me: Still male though-

On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.

Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:

"Do you know what arthritis is?"

The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:

"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."

The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.

A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:

"How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."

What kind of paper likes music? Wrapping paper.

I bet emo girls get jealous when people cut paper.

How is toilet paper recycled?

Easier than you would think, but first they have to process the crap out of it.

I picked up a document, and I started to feel cold.

I looked down at the document, and it read "DRAFT."

What was the color of the wallpaper in the Twin Towers?

... plane.