Pants Jokes

They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket.

They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.

I’m not calling you a slut, I’m calling you a penny.

Two-faced, worthless, and in everyone’s pants!

Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.

And 100% of men don’t care.

How do you know if a chick is too fat?

If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.

A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"

She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.

The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."

Michael Jackson was recently sighted at Target. Why? The sale was all boys' pants half off!

A boy walks into class with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks. The teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On a peach hill."

Another boy walks in with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks. The teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On a peach hill."

Then a girl walks in, and the teacher says, "And where on earth have you been?" The girl says, "Well, you see..." Then the teacher stops her and says, "Let me guess, on a peach hill?" The girl says, "No, on 2 big cucumbers."

A man walks over to a little boy and asks, "Wanna see my tattoo of a bunny?"

The little boy replies with, "Yes please, I love bunnies!"

The man proceeds to pull his pants down and said, "Can you see it yet?"

The little boy curious says, "No, where is it?"

The man says, "Dig a little deeper, he runs into the hole when he gets scared!"

A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel in his pants.

The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel in your pants?"

The pirate replies, "Yarrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"

What has two legs but can’t walk? Pants 👖

I went to the doctor because I had a steering wheel in my pants, and it was driving me nuts.

What pants do you wear to church? Hole-y ones.

If Trump colored his hair green and wore an orange shirt and pants, I will call him a carrot.

How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?

You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.

Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.

Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."

Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?

Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.

What’s worse than ants in your pants?

Uncles.

I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.

A puma was making another puma laugh. That puma that was laughing said, “Stop making me laugh! I’m gonna puma pants!”

Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.

It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.

Get your mind together!

What do Wal-Mart and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both have little boy's pants 1⁄2 off...