New Pants Jokes

Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.

And 100% of men don’t care.

Three ladies were on a flight, when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing." The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich, and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great t*ts and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."

What’s a ghost’s favorite type of pants?

BOO-TY JEANS

I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.

"Nice pants. Can I test the zipper?"

What does a dog do in a dresser?

It Pants

I’m not calling you a slut, I’m calling you a penny Two face, worthless, and in everyone’s pants

A guy told a beautiful girl "hey I want to make love to you if I throw 2000$ when you go to pick it up that's when I'll go is that okay?" She called her husband and he said "okay but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down" Four hours later she shows up to her house and tell her husband "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS"

What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.

What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).

How did the hamburger know he needed new pants?His buns were too tight.

People think Kelly Clarkson shops at Wal-Mart because she's a sloppy redneck. No, it's because toddlers' pants are 75% off everyday!

Once a man goes to a restaurant.then, he was waiting until the waitress comes & tells him that they don't have food. he was grumpy but the waitress make him relaxing by unbuttoning her pants and undressing her panties and uncovering clothes from her pussy until everything get striped then she say to him:"good meal".

How do you know if a chick is too fat?

If you pull her pants down her ass still in them

What’s worse than ants in your pants?

Uncles

I wanted to buy some camo pants but couldn't find any.

Wants worse than ants in you pants

Your uncle

I had a steering wheel down my pants and I tell you what it was driving my balls crazy

America: Saying, “ I beg your pardon” in British English is like saying; “ What did you say to me you orphaned big forehead shitty ass small dick bitch?”

UK: You Americans are so fucking rude.

America: Oh Im SoRrY mIsTeR fAnCy PaNts 👖