Pain jokes
My sis told me that onions are the only food that can make you cry...
So I threw a coconut at her.
Getting hurt is a bone-breaking experience. It's such a spine-tingling event!
The match: "Ur my match." The thighs: "You light me up."
People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?
My mother was suffering from menstrual pain. So I fucked her for 7 hours to ease her pain. I continued to do so for the next 6 days. Even after fucking her 51 times during her 7-day period, I fucked her 5-6 times a day for the next three months and stopped her period for 9 months! Only her son can understand and ease the pain of a mother.
What's red and screams when you shake it?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
What's brown and hurts your teeth?
A chocolate?
No. A baseball bat in my hands.
Pain. Gained. Anxiety. Fulfilled. Insomnia. Depression. Always with me. Happiness... The one thing I can't have.
I went to see my dentist, and she warned me it was going to hurt. Then, she told me she was having an affair with my husband. Good news though...the cleaning didn't hurt.
What's the difference between my arm and legs? Nothing. I slit both of them.
My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.
A kid named Timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher, and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike.
The kid said, "I can't use it; my butt hurts!"
When you're sad, don't feel down about yourself. Break a leg, and you'll forget all about it.
Look, Bono is a great guy, but shopping with him is a pain, because he still hasn't found what he is looking for.
A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea, his eye hurts. The doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink. When he finished, the doctor told him: "From now on, take off the spoon."
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
I hit myself on a window yesterday. I really felt the pane.
Jack and Jill went up a hill
To pick some dill.
Jack slid down the hill and hurt his leg of skill,
And he needed a painkiller pill.
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
My fucking balls hurt so god damn bad, oh my god!