Pain

Pain Jokes

Milkman

A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.

The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.

Self Harm

My pencil sharpener when I bleed:

And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.

Self Harm

If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)

Tattoo

Friend: Did your tattoos hurt?

Me: Nah, not really.

Friend: What did they feel like?

Me: 7th grade.

Friend: 😶😶😨😰😰😰😨

Anal Sex

Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”

Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”

Patient: “Right around the entrance.”

Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”

Parent

You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.

Butt

What medicine do you take when your butt hurts?

Answer: Assprin.

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  • Tattoo

    I now know what my first tattoo should be, zebra stripes! Not like anyone would know the difference between them.

    Heart

    My heart says to stop because it hurts.

    Bro, chill. It's really not that deep.

    Table

    What's the difference between a man and a table?

    The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.

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  • Rose

    Roses are red, my blood is too. I see a lot when I lost you.

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