Ownership jokes
Why can’t orphans have a house pet?
Because its parents have it to itself.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
What's one thing you can say about your house, but not your girlfriend?
What is a dog?
A pet.
What’s the difference between a dumpster full of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
My friend just got a new house. He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I hate visitors.
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."
Why do orphans support slavery?
They finally have an owner.
What’s the difference between orphans and cars?
I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.
What’s the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
What's the difference between three dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't own a Ferrari.
What do you call cheese that's not yours?
Nacho cheese!
My best friend is black. It really pissed me off when my mom sold him.
What's the difference between a car and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a car in my garage.
What do you call a nacho that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese.
My crush: OMG, my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭
Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!
My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄
Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.
Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.
The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"