New Ownership Jokes

What’s the difference between women and cars?

At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.

A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.

Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"

Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."

Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."

Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.

Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"

The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"

What’s the difference between orphans and cars?

I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.

Adopting a kid is like having a yard sale! I mean, if the owners don't want it anymore, what makes you think I want it?

What do you call a nacho that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.

Why don't communists like Microsoft? Because it's Minecraft instead of ourcraft.

What's the difference between a Porsche and 50 dead babies?

..... I don't have a Porsche in my garage.

Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.

The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!

My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,

"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Why do orphans support slavery?

They finally have an owner.

sike i likeed your minecraft account is mine

What do the Twin towers and Murder victims have in common?

Both were owned by their own kind

I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.

My friend just got a new house. He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I hate visitors.

Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."

What’s the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

I saw a little kid on their bike before. So I ran home to see if it was mine. Mine was still chained up, so we’re good.

Two businessmen bought the Milwaukee Bucks for $500 million. They are very excited about their transaction, for this is the only legal way to own black people.