What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
What is an oven that you don’t own? Nacho oven.
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
What’s the difference between orphans and cars?
I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.
Adopting a kid is like having a yard sale! I mean, if the owners don't want it anymore, what makes you think I want it?
What do you call a nacho that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese.
Why don't communists like Microsoft? Because it's Minecraft instead of ourcraft.
I scanned an emo girl's arm the other day. Now I own her, only 3.99 with tax. That's a steal and a half, woopeeee!
My chocky milk, don't you touch my chocky milk! It's mine! No it's not! It's your face! Ccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooccccccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
What's the difference between a Porsche and 50 dead babies?
..... I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan.
The tour guide said, "That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member." Well done Lewandisney!
What's the difference between an orphan and a puppy?
Parents enjoy the presents of a puppy.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Why do orphans support slavery?
They finally have an owner.
Why can’t orphans have a house pet?
Because its parents have it to itself.
sike i likeed your minecraft account is mine
What do the Twin Towers and murder victims have in common?
Both were owned by their own kind.
I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.
My friend just got a new house. He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I hate visitors.
