Ownership jokes
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Why do orphans support slavery?
They finally have an owner.
Why can’t orphans have a house pet?
Because its parents have it to itself.
Sike, I lied, your Minecraft account is mine!
What do the Twin Towers and murder victims have in common?
Both were owned by their own kind.
My crush: OMG, my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭
Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!
My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄
Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.
I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.
Yours!
My friend just got a new house. He told me to make myself at home, so I threw him out. I hate visitors.
Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."
Have you ever walked into Jason Fraser’s house?
Neither has he.
What’s the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
I saw a little kid on their bike before. So I ran home to see if it was mine. Mine was still chained up, so we’re good.
What’s the difference between a motorcycle and a mutilated body?
I don’t have a motorcycle in my garage.
Two businessmen bought the Milwaukee Bucks for $500 million. They are very excited about their transaction, for this is the only legal way to own black people.
What do you call cheese that's not yours?
Nacho cheese!
The thing about animals is every time you pick one up, you have to put it down.
What's the difference between three dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't own a Ferrari.
What is a dog?
A pet.