Outing jokes

I have to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.

Last week I found out my toaster is waterproof.

Your mama's so fat, when she went to the baseball tournament, she knocked everyone out of the park.

Yo momma so fat, her ankle broke and gravy poured out.

I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.

Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was and pointed to me. I pushed him out of the car, and my other boyfriend took the front seat.

How do I get out of the toilet seat? Help me, please. I'm very stuck!

Did the leaf or the emo fall out of the tree? The leaf won. The rope stopped the emo.

How do u get a depressed person out of a tree?

You cut the rope they hung themself in...

Your mom's like a candy machine; she pops out for anybody.

What’s the difference between Anne Frank and Harry Potter?

Only one came out of the chamber.

Today I saw my son lick out a tub of butter. I told him to make a sandwich without butter for a week (as a punishment). He said, "Okay," and licked the bread. "It's really easy to spread," he said. LOL!

You are American when you walk into the bathroom, and you are American when you walk out.

But do you know what you are when you're in the bathroom? European.

What's the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?

Refrigerators don't queef when you pull your meat out.

Jack and Jill ran up the hill to pop some pills,

And Jill said, "Jack can do her without here will," and Jack's penis was still.

What did the grape say when he got squished? Nothing, he just let out a little wine.

Did you hear about the guy who made knock-knock jokes? He won the Nobel Prize.

So I saw a 15 year old kid near a 15 year old girl checking her out.

Then I told him, "What are you doing?"

He told me he will decorate her locker, donate a lot of money to her, and buy her a lot of stuff.

He then told me how easy would that be?

I told him: "That sounds pretty SIMPle."

Fella walks past a mental hospital; they're all out in the garden behind this big fence, all shouting "13, 13, 13, 13," etc., over and over again.

This fella is intrigued, sees a little hole in the fence, looks through it... gets fucking poked straight in the eye!

Then they all start singing, "14, 14, 14, 14, 14, 14!"

If Red gets voted out, what happened?

Red is not voted out, Red is a hacker, so he kills Blue. OK, so someone found Blue's body. Red said, "Where?"

Lime, Green, and Purple said, "How is Red not dead?"

Red: "I am a hacker, you noobs!"

Lime, Green, and Purple run.

Red killed them all. Red is the win, but he is not the win.

Black killed Red. Black is the win.

LOL

I was at the club and then my dad walked up and said, "You're 15, why are you high and at the club?" So I ran. Then my uncle was at the car and took me home, so I was grounded. Then my boyfriend came because my parents went out and we had sex and we were very loud. My dad came home and walked in. He had my boyfriend pin me against the wall so my dad could spank me.