Murder is the same as suicide except the other person is doing it for you
Why did the chicken commit suicide?
To get to the other side.
I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."
what did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? same time next month?
A kid annoyed me the other day. I told him to shut up and go back to his parents. That's the last time I'm going to an orphanage.
What did one nut say to the other? Ignore the guy in the middle. He's a d!ck.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag? One's made of plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other carries groceries.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" -- The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money.
Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?
Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."
I have MP3s on my computer that are older than Johnny Depp's new significant other.
What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bath tub? One's got hope in her soul, the others got soap in her hole.
What's the definition of trust?
Two cannibals giving each other blowjobs.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."
So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant. Dirty bastards.
2 friends are talking and the one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The Friend says, "I was in my car."
What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam. What did the other fish say to that fish when he hit the wall? Dumb Bass.
What is the difference between a coconut and your ex? One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at the other one is a coconut.
What did one tampon say to the other tampon when they walked by each other on the street? Nothing. They were both stuck up cunts!
What’s the difference between an orphan and a watermelon? One of them is fun to hit with a sledge hammer and the other one is just a watermelon
