Otherness jokes

How did Helen Keller burn the side of her head? She answered the iron.

How'd she burn the other side? They called back.

What did one hurricane say to the other?

"I got my EYE on you!"

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One of them turned to the other and said, "Does this taste funny to you?"

So, two condoms walk by a gay bar. What does one condom say to the other? "Hey, wanna get 'shit-faced?'"

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?

You nail its other hand to the floor.

Two brothers were arguing. One went: "You're an idiot!"

The other went: "Your brother's a mother!"

He replied: "Yeah, I know. Thanks for agreeing with me."

I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...

What did the ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing, it just waved.

One cow asks another cow, "Are you afraid of mad cow disease?"

The other cow says, "Why should I be? I'm a helicopter."

Why didn't Stephen Hawking cross the road?

Because he rolled over to the other side!

What did one wall say to the other wall?

Meet you at the corner!

I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.

The other day a man with some cheese and milk attacked me... how dairy!

I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."

I met a rock the other day. He was a very gneiss guy.

Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The Non-Stop Dancer." It is very funny, but it is made even funnier by Dudley Moore's drunken and stoned laughter through the song.

One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio, but they are ad-libbing and extremely drunk.

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

Three Europeans come to America. They are all captured by Native Americans, who want to kill them. But the Europeans beg to have their lives spared. The Native Americans agree not to kill them on one condition: the Europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit, and they will be informed what to do with it.

So the first guy comes back with a peach. The Native American says, "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the Native Americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The Native American tells him the same thing. He laughs, and the Native American kills him.

They both see each other in heaven, and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach, and peaches are fuzzy, so that's why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yeah, I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a BANANA!!"

So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.

Dirty bastards.

I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."