Otherness jokes

Add joke

I always hated being born a Catholic as a kid. The way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over, and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church. I was always thinking, “For God’s sake, just pick a position and fuck me!”

I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.

Two lawyers are sitting on a park bench, and these two beautiful women walk by. The first lawyer says to the other, “Let’s go fuck these chicks.”

The second lawyer says, “Outta what?”

A friend texts to another:

"Hey." They reply, "What's up?"

The first friend then replies with a simple answer, "The sky!" But the other friend intervenes and says, "No, it's the ceiling!"

To then the first friend finishes the greeting with, "Unless you're homeless or six feet under."

Lost my virginity to a down syndrome the other day... only cause I wanted my first time to be special.

  • 2

    • The other day at school we had to write down our hero and what we would do if they walked into our house. I got off easy because my hero is Stephen Hawking.

  • 8

    • Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday.

    The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"

  • 4

    • Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to go through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them, "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven."

    The first guy says, "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times." The angel gives him an old model pick up. The second guy says, "11 years and only once," and is granted a Mercedes.

    The last man says, "20 years and not once. I loved her with all my heart," and with the angel impressed, he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later, the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says, "I know we are dead, but it could be much worse."

    The guy looks up and says, "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard!"

    What did one gay guy say to the other when they were packing for a trip?

    "Want me to pack your shit?"

    What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?

    "You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"

    People who torture others for making bad puns should be severely punished.

    Two wind turbines are standing in a field.

    One asks, "What's your favorite type of music?"

    The other says, "Well... I'm a huge metal fan..."

    "Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week... Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other."

  • 0
  • 1

    • Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.

    While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."

    So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"

  • 7

    • What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

    One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.

    Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says, “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies, “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies, “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent, and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Ok, now what?”

  • 41
  • 1