New Otherness Jokes - Page 51

What did one ankle say to the other? Good morning, how are you today?

What did the lampost say to the other lampost?

Nothing, because it can't speak.

Two tourists climb a mountain that utters certain doom.

One tourist falls down. The tourist that's still on the mountain says, "You ok down there?"

The other tourist says, "Can't I just rest in peace?!"

What did one bean say to the other bean?

How you bean?

What did the fish say to the other fish?

"I want my life to be H2O-ver!"

What did the pencil say to the other pencil?

Your looking sharp!

Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."

What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "You're dead to me."

Once I heard a joke about chocolate the other day.

It wasn't that funny.

So I just Snickered.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

The chicken was in 666 pieces after being molested by Gerard brutally with a rail gun covered in spears covered in his lymph. His beak was ripped open and shoved in his feet after glass shards were shoved into his eyes until they came out the other side. His feet were nailed to the ground.

Why was the chicken black and the other were white? Adoption!

I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" and the man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon!"

My uncle got really badly burned the other day.

They don't fuck around at the crematorium.

I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said, "How sick?"

I said, "Well, I'm in bed with my 12-year-old sister."

There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, "I'm cold. Are you cold?"

The other cow says, "Yeah, I'm Fresian."

What did one arm say to the other? "What is your address?"

What did the cow say to the other?

"Cheese!"

A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"