OR jokes

Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.

They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”

Why is it so hard to choose between buying a Subaru or a Volvo? Because you’re deciding whether you want to look like a rapist or a pedophile.

If Stephen Hawking is dying, where do I take him, Currys PC World, or a hospital?

I started debating whether or not suicide is a good option. Self-harm just hasn’t been cutting it lately.

To whoever you are, you are loved.

It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.

"What are my choices?" he asked.

"Yes or No," she replied.

Is it just me, or are magnets really attractive?

Michael Jackson and Kelly Clarkson both did shady stuff to children. Michael Jackson said that there is nothing wrong with sharing a bed with unrelated small children. Kelly Clarkson said that there is nothing wrong with physically beating a small child.

The thing is, though, only one of them made "Billie Jean" or "Beat It", and the other is just a typical karaoke country singer. So no surprise people gave Wacko Jacko a pass.

Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee. His dad sees this and says, "I saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks." Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like honey anyway." About fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says, "I saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like butter anyway." Both Little Johnny and his dad go in for dinner. Johnny's mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. Little Johnny looks and smiles and says, "Do you want to tell her or should I?"

If you're going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart, or you're just an ass.

What would fall out of a tree first, a depressed person or a feather?

Answer: The feather wouldn't. The rope would stop the person from falling all the way.

Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.

Me: Wow, they found the body already?

Dad: :/

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?

When Kenney goes down on his mom, does he taste vegetable or fish?

An apple a day keeps the doctor away...

Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.... 🥵🤣

How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?

Are you 7/11 or 9/11?

What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs?

A paintball.

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”

There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.

Guess what song this is from:

"I'll cut you into little bitty pieces,

Or freeze you till your blood runs cold,

Or stab your till' you heart stops pumping.

I'm here to realize your wish from what I'm told."