OR jokes
Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!
During this COVID shit, if a guy starts following you with the masks on, should you be scared, or is that dumb bastard just your boyfriend?
You know the phrase "one man's trash is another man's treasure"?
Great phrase, bad way to find out you're adopted!
The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them "mommy" or "daddy."
If you drop soap on the floor, is the floor clean, or is the soap dirty?
Do you want to know what gifts God gave me?
He didn't give me any.
I was made by the Devil.
Or is she asking her son, "Do you know Newton?"
The boy said, "No, I don't know."
She said to him, "If you had paid attention to your lessons, you would have known him!"
The boy said, "Ok, do you know Ikhlod?"
She said to him, "No, who is she?"
He said to her, "If you had paid attention to your husband, you would have known her."
The important thing is that the boy is currently a week with his uncles and a week with his turbans.
If anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.
This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."
Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.
Why am I so successful?
When I was told to go big or go home, I only had one option.
I can't tell what's farther, the Great Wall of China, or how far Paul Walker flew out of his windshield.
Wanna know something the orphan could never do?
Wish anyone a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.
What's worse than ants in your pants?
Michael Jackson.
What do you call a kid with no arms or legs?
Don't matter what you call him, he ain't coming.
Genie: You cannot wish for more wishes, immortality, or love.
Man: I wish not to die a virgin.
Genie: I just said no wishing for immortality!
Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
Why do orphans do so well in life?
When people told them "Go big or go home," they only had one option.
Can we have sex, because if we don't, I can't like you, big, thick booty!
So let's have sex in bed, you sexy woman, or behind a tree, because shoving my dick in your pussy is a very nice feeling while sucking your ass.
How long was the owl trick or treating?
Owl night long!
Harry Potter
Dobby: "Dobby never meant to kill, Dobby only meant to maim or seriously injure!"
Jumanji
Coach Webb: "Ok, there's a lot wrong with that."