Old jokes
What did the old chimney say to the young chimney?
"You're too young to smoke!"
That's not even a bad joke-
Q. What do filicide jokes and filicide victims have in common?
A. They never get old.
Why do golfers bring a spare pair of socks?
In case they get a hole in one.
- Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow dress, people yell "Taxi!"
- Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.
- Yo mama is so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.
- Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.
- Yo mama is so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.
What is a redneck virgin?
A seven-year-old that can run faster than her brothers.
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
What's the worst part about getting old?
Going to pull up the wrinkles in your socks, just to find out you're not wearing socks!
A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.
"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."
While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.
We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.
What do McDonalds and priests both do?
They both put their meat between 10-year-old buns.
My 2 year old Asian baby cant do calculus Look who in sweatshop now
Why did the rapper become an archaeologist?
Because he wanted to dig for old-school beats!
My girlfriend called me a pedophile.
And I said, "That's a big word for a 5-year-old!"
You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning?
It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.
You're old enough to remember when emojis were called "hieroglyphics."
Yo momma so old, she was at Cain and Abel's baby shower.
Q: What's the difference between a grandma fetish and necrophilia?
A: A few weeks.
Yo mama so old that she knew "The Outsiders" when they were "The Insiders."
Roses are red, violets are blue.
These jokes are old, come up with something new!
Old McDonald cuts himself. E-m E-m-O!