Old jokes

Your dad left you 10 years ago and you're 10 years old, so your dad anniversary is today.

Where are fart bombs made?

Old people's arses!

Your mama is so old, she made a book bigger than the Bible about her life.

True story: In 1986, in the midst of the HIV epidemic, they made condoms available to the public. At that time, me and my boyfriend were 13 years old. My boyfriend was so happy: "These will make great water balloons!" And I was even happier. I did not have to pack a lunch for school tomorrow, lol.

Attention to everyone, I'm not going to be on for 2 weeks because I was in a bike accident, or more like a motorcycle accident. I was ran off the road when my 16 year old brother was taking me for a ride. Now I can't use my legs cause, well, you know. I will be taking a break because I don't want to move my legs that much.

1st graders: Ay yo girl, I think you’re beautiful, let’s get married!!

2nd graders: Uhh, don’t tell my mom that we’re dating!! She won’t let me date! Let’s keep this a seeeeecret heeheehee.

3rd graders: Uh, my teacher told me to stay after school because I wrote a poem about you and I’m 9 years old, we have to break up, sweetie.

4th graders: Hey, I think you’re cute!! Wanna date? I don’t think my girlfriend will mind.......

5th graders (they start wearing makeup): Ay girl, your eyelashes are pretty, I like you now, wanna date? Here’s my numberrrrrr.

6th graders: Heyyyyy, I gotta tell you a secret, I got a crush on you!! Don’t tell anyone!! Byeee, ooh, I’ll text you later!

7th graders: We need to make Peyton jealous because she broke up with you!! Wanna date? I mean, you’re not hot, but still, great personalityyyyy, alright, bye now.

8th graders: Hi sweetheart, I got STARRRBUCKKKSSS

Me: UGLY AF AND LITERALLY NO BOYFRIEND.....

Marriage is like buying a car. You see one that you like and then you buy it. But over the years, it gets older, rusty, and certain parts stop working.

Then you walk into a dealership and look at all the new ones and you're still stuck with the old one. You look over and go, "But I just wanna sit in it. Just once. It's even got leather interior, it's chrome, it doesn't even have oil or gas leaks! And it doesn't squeak!"

What's the best thing about taking a shower with a 12 year old Philippino girl?

If you slick her hair back, she looks 10.

Doctor, can I please have a new butt? My old one has a hole and a crack in it.

Old.

"Akeld" sounds like a 56-year-old man just picking on kids for no reason. I say, get a life!

If you read this, you fucked your dad and your 4-year-old sister, you sick fuck... At least wait till they are 15.

I had the worst day of my life. My 13 year old ex got killed and I got fired from my job as a police guard. Did I mention that we were in Syria?

What's the difference between a 14-year-old boy and an 8-year-old boy?

The 14-year-old is on top, the 8-year-old is on the bottom.

What's an old man's favorite food?

Wrinkled onions.

How old is uuuuuurrrr mom?

Five.

Cringe.... I know that was a crap joke... not even a joke.

Yo mama is so old that she was born on the first day the universe existed.

I heard China aborts 25% of female babies. That's a lot of dead 3-year-old gender-affirmed girls.

My wife is pregnant with a 3-year-old, so I gave her medicine, but now she’s pregnant with a 5-year-old.

Old ladies are non existent.