OH jokes

Dad

    • Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.

    Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.

    Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.

    Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.

    Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.

    Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.

    Kid: It's not an Apple product.

    Indian poor dad: It's a banana.

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    Car

    • Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.

    The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."

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    Sensei

    • Boss: Can I do a reference check?

    Me: I don’t have a...

    *sensei appears*

    Me: oh no

    Sensei: He was a good student, but he lacked kizma.

    Boss: What's kiz...

    Sensei:😈

    Me: Oh no, here we go.

    Sensei: Kizma AS-

    OH memes
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    Bum

    • Me: I broke me bum.

    Dad: Oh, that is bad. I will get some Pooh in the toilet so I can heal your bum.

    Cent

    • "Does this make any cents?" a man says.

    "Oh, it does make cents," me. <-- thing: Lemin"aid" <-- another joke.

    Human

    • Me: Mom, if Adam and Eve are white, then how were slaves made?

    Mom: Well, Eve and the monkey fucked each other.

    Me: Oh, okay.

    Goes to school.

    Teacher: How were humans made?

    Me: Eve fucked the monkeys.

    Teacher: 😑

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    Octopus

    • I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.

    Oh, don’t worry, he’s okay now.

    But the vet charged me six quid.

    Inch

    • Alicia: I said no already, quit it. You are thirsty, leave me alone creep.

    Nathan: I wanna sex YOU.

    Alicia: I LOVE DICK bud, you're *WEIRD*.

    Nathan: WE-WE

    Alicia: WEE-WEE?

    Nathan: YES YES YES LETS FUCK NOW TAKE them panies off u said yes well in french but u said yes

    Alicia: U tricked me I ain fucking u

    Nathan: *SEX ME!! BITCH SEX ME OH PLEASE SEX ME SEX ME* *screaming saying it*

    Alicia: *WEIRD*

    Nathan: Dick ten inches and i geuss u cant call me *10 inched big long dick nathan* your lose

    Alicia: WHAT NO.... wait? 10 inches yess

    cauh!.cauh! ummm umm long dick goood unmmm couh coun ccccchhou

    nathan: why do i have the urge to stick a chicken wing up yo pussy

    cuugh umm

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    Teacher

    • Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up.

    Class: no one stands up.

    Teacher: Oh c’mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room*

    Little Johnny: *stands up*

    Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you’re dumb?

    Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you’re standing alone.

    Cheerio

    • The Cheerio Joke

    Let's say you're in high school, and your popularity level was based on what Cheerio you are. So there's Extra-Frosty Cheerios as the most popular kids, the frosted Cheerios were the popular kids, the Regular Cheerios as the typical normal kid, then there's the honey nut Cheerios as the nerds and geeks, and then there's your Cheerio which is the Chocolate Cheerios. Now you want to ask this girl who's an extra frosty, you go up to her and ask her to Homecoming, but she declines.

    So after school gets out, you go home and rewind. The next day you wake up feeling like a honey nut Cheerio, so you go up to her again and ask her again, she still says no. So you go home and rewind again and wake up the next morning feeling like a Regular Cheerio. So you go to school and ask her again, she still declines. So you go home and rewind again. The next morning, you wake up feeling like a frosty Cheerio. So you go up to her and ask again, still says no. Then you go home and unwind. The next day you wake up feeling like an extra frosty Cheerio. Feeling doubtful, you go up to her one last time and ask her. She finally says yes.

    The next day is Homecoming, and you and your date are on the dance floor, and she wants punch. So she tells you that she's going to go get punch. She goes and gets punch and is back in 30 seconds. You ask her why it was so fast. She replies with; "Oh there wasn't a punch line."

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