Nut jokes
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io!
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times? A Brazil nut.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts!
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? I butter not tell you.
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Nut
Have you heard of the work called "ligma balls?"
Why do squirrels love dick?
Because it produces nut.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous, aka cashews.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost? The nearest Shell station.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Peanut. Peanut who? Peanut butter open the door!