Numbers Jokes

I came across a pic of the oldest man on earth on IG. He was 132 years old.

I commented "age is just a number" for him; now I'm banned.

At one point in your life, you were exactly pi years old.

Do you know the number one cause of death for lesbians?

Getting your fingers stuck in there.

Why was 10 scared?

Because 9/11 came flying in.

John pretended to be a doctor.

Motu came to him. He said, "I lost my hunger."

John brought some samosas for his lunch. Motu ate them. John said, "Your hunger is back!"

Then, Motu said, "I lost my taste."

John said, "Number 1, bring some water." Motu drank it and said, "This is petrol!" John said, "Your taste is back!"

Motu said, "I lost my memory."

John said, "Number 1, bring some medicine." Motu said, "But Number 1 brought water." John said, "Your memory is back!"

didn't fall for number 6 7 and 5

The image lists "10 THINGS I KNOW ABOUT YOU" with a list of funny observations, and a minion looking surprised. The list reads: "1) You are reading this. 2) You are human. 3) You can't say the letter "P" without separating your lips. 4) You just tried to do it. 6) You are laughing at yourself. 7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped number 5. 8) You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 9) You laugh at this because you are an idiot (but everyone else does it too, if that makes you feel any better). 10) You are going to repin this to see who else falls for it."

"Number 15: Burger King foot lettuce. The last thing you want in your Burger King burger is someone's foot fungus, but as it turns out, that might be what you get."

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, 8, 9!!!

Your mama so white that her first number was 911.

Kid 1: Words can't describe how ugly you are.

Kid 2: Words can describe how beautiful you are.

Kid 1: Aw, thanks!

Kid 2: But numbers can. 0/10

If 6 is afraid because 7, 8, 9, why is 10 scared?

Because it's in between 9/11.

You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."

The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”