Numbers jokes

Weight

    • You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."

  • 1

    • Woman

    • The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”

  • 4
    • Numbers memes

    Magician

    • Two magicians were in a competition. The first one did magic, and the second started counting down, "3, 2," but before he said the last number, he 1.

    Fat

    • A guy walks into a bar, he's like, "What's your number, lad?" and the woman is like, "298-777-fatso.com" and he walked home depressed.

    Mayo

    • If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?

    Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!

    Sex

    • I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.

    We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.

  • 2

    • Mathematician

    • An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, "Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?"

    Calculator

    • Type this in your calculator:

    5 days a week (type in 5),

    6 different classes (type in 6),

    7 hours a day (type in 7),

    x

    2 semesters (type in 2),

    =

    flip the calculator over ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°).