Numbers jokes

Magician

    • Two magicians were in a competition. The first one did magic, and the second started counting down, "3, 2," but before he said the last number, he 1.

    Fat

    • A guy walks into a bar, he's like, "What's your number, lad?" and the woman is like, "298-777-fatso.com" and he walked home depressed.

    Numbers memes

    Mayo

    • If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?

    Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!

    Insult

    • Kid 1: Words can't describe how ugly you are.

    Kid 2: Words can describe how beautiful you are.

    Kid 1: Aw, thanks!

    Kid 2: But numbers can. 0/10

    PTSD

    • Everyone knows why 6 is scared of 7, cuz 7 8 9.

    But why does 10 have PTSD?

    Cuz it’s between 9/11.

  • 1

    • Weight

    • You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."

  • 1

    • Sex

    • I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.

    We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.

  • 2

    • Mathematician

    • An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, "Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?"

    Pattern

    • What comes next in the pattern, ottffs?

    S, because it represents numbers going up: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

    Calculator

    • Type this in your calculator:

    5 days a week (type in 5),

    6 different classes (type in 6),

    7 hours a day (type in 7),

    x

    2 semesters (type in 2),

    =

    flip the calculator over ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°).