Now jokes

Tyler: What's your favorite fruit?

Frankie: Pineapple duh, what's yours?

Tyler: Pineapple

Frankie: Wanna come over and watch some Netflix? I'm home alone.

Tyler: Absolutely!! What time should I be there?

Frankie: Right now.

Tyler: Sweet! Should I bring a condom?

Frankie: Now enough talk, let's fuck.

Tyler: I thought you never asked.

I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔

I cut my dick. It is all right now, and half the size but makes for excellent breakfast.

There was an emo kid in their room, boom, they're all gone, now.

My wife is pregnant with a 3-year-old, so I gave her medicine, but now she’s pregnant with a 5-year-old.

My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.

"I’m going through a lot of things right now," I said frustratedly to the person on the line as I crashed straight through the next building in my car.

Last last, now everybody go chop breakfast.

"Roses are red, I'm a girl, Now go and take a hike."

Ya know, genders are kind of like the Twin Towers.

There used to be 2 of them, but now it’s a touchy subject.

I need a lovely lady to spoil. I have a big dick and a very clean house. Add me now.

Snapchat: @colin_green21

Gwen: Prince, they told me you'd be crying back. What do you want?

Prince: Nothing...BUT CAN WE GET BACK TOGETHER!?!??

Gwen: Sorry...BUT...I have a life to live now. I'm logging off this site and going to watch some TV. I'll be back in 1 hour, but we are done...DONE...DONE.

I went into a forest with my sharp laptop with F13. Now I'm a real HACKER.

Say hi to outer space. Hi, now say how are you doing to the moon. Hi, how are you doing? Why are you wasting your time? XD lol

My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).

So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."

I told my wife I needed a blood transfusion when I could not remember. She said, "Be positive too."

Bad, I am now a ghost writing this.

Jefferey Dahmer asked his husband a question.

His husband said, "What's your question?"

Jefferey Dahmer said, "You want to know what is my favorite type of tree?"

His husband said "Yes?"

Jefferey said, "Morning Wood, now take off your pants!"

I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.

Oh, don’t worry, he’s okay now.

But the vet charged me six quid.

Alicia: I said no already, quit it. You are thirsty, leave me alone creep.

Nathan: I wanna sex YOU.

Alicia: I LOVE DICK bud, you're *WEIRD*.

Nathan: WE-WE

Alicia: WEE-WEE?

Nathan: YES YES YES LETS FUCK NOW TAKE them panies off u said yes well in french but u said yes

Alicia: U tricked me I ain fucking u

Nathan: *SEX ME!! BITCH SEX ME OH PLEASE SEX ME SEX ME* *screaming saying it*

Alicia: *WEIRD*

Nathan: Dick ten inches and i geuss u cant call me *10 inched big long dick nathan* your lose

Alicia: WHAT NO.... wait? 10 inches yess

cauh!.cauh! ummm umm long dick goood unmmm couh coun ccccchhou

nathan: why do i have the urge to stick a chicken wing up yo pussy

cuugh umm

Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up.

Class: no one stands up.

Teacher: Oh c’mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room*

Little Johnny: *stands up*

Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you’re dumb?

Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you’re standing alone.